The phone company rang whilst I was trying and failing to hoover up a spider. It was a sort of cat and mouse situation. Well, actually more of a human and spider situation.
PHOTO OF A SPIDER LEFT TO YOUR IMAGINATION. I can assure all arachnophobes that this blog will NEVER publish a photo of a spider.
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The phone rang twice. Then it went off. I rang the phone company back and they denied they had phoned me. Then they put me on hold for a bit. Then they admitted they HAD phoned me after all to ask me about access times. After a while this transpired that they – well, Jools, to be precise, meant what time could an engineer come to my house to try to fix the internet again. Any time I said. Preferably now! (I currently had no internet.)
Jools seemed a bit taken aback and said the engineer probably couldn’t come till Wednesday or Thursday, but, when I said that this timeframe was ridiculous, he said would check and phone me back in ten minutes. He phoned back. ‘Hi, it’s Jools – I’ll just take you through some security questions.’ We reached the end of security clearance but then the phone went dead! I had no internet and no phone connection. The phone was down for an hour.
Eventually, Jools phoned me back and said a bit huffily that he had tried to phone me three times. ‘Well, the phone went dead,’ I said. ‘Oh, alright,’ he said (as though it was MY fault!) I now have two issues with the phone line – the actual phone and the internet. Jools assured me that the phone line going dead was a coincidence and nothing they had done. I believed him because they don’t do anything. I’d be more shocked if he’d told me they were trying to do something. As I was ending the conversation he suddenly said that he had to tell me the call was being recorded – he was meant to tell me that at the start.
Meanwhile, they had credited me £5 for buying new micro-filters but yesterday I received a bill for £6 for ‘internet services’. ??? I have no internet service. Jools was none the wiser either. He didn’t really know what it meant but he could put me through to another department.
Then the phone went dead again.
I need the internet to be fixed because, as soon as it’s fixed, I’m going to change provider.
I’d like to surf the net for a good deal but I have no net.
So, I picked up the vacuum cleaner again but the spider had gone, leaving only its web behind. I have no net, just an empty web.
(Don’t worry, there are no spiders in the photo below,; I’ve checked.)