Yes It’s Over!
My Affiliate Career is dead. Peacefully, quietly, just drifted away and is now laid to rest.
This is the official obituary of my Amazon Affiliate’s life.
He Was Born …
The AA was born last year on a cold winter’s afternoon. As I looked down on the AA so full of promise like a new born babe I was full of hope that the AA would grow up to be a strong individual, sound in limb and body. More like a thoroughbred racehorse than a newborn baby, come to think of it … although as we all know, it’s highly unlikely that a horse would be born on a cold winter’s day even if all racehorses have the official birthday of 1st January, we would, of course hope, that they wouldn’t make their entrance into the world until late March at the earliest.
And yet, the AA was soon out in the fields prancing away on the frosty grass, dancing at shadows and snorting in wonder at the brilliant career that surely lay ahead of him.
Sadly the AA didn’t live up to his early promise. Despite his glossy coat and impeccable pedigree, no-one showed much interest in him, passing him by time and time again with hardly a pat (I mean click).
Some people may have glanced at him but soon moved on. He lived in a world of the high bounce rate, which may be good if he had been born to be a tennis player but he was a horse (I think).
In fact, his paddock was so bouncy that sometimes he thought he was on a trampoline.
Disclaimer: this website and post may contain affiliate links for BlueHost, Zazzle, Society6, Shutterstock and Grammarly and if you click on a link and purchase the item or any item on that website I may get a small commission (which will go towards my Art Deco house restoration fund!)
Unfortunately, AA wasn’t good in traffic which is a major drawback of any horse carrying out its life in a built up area. Well, he didn’t have much chance to become good in traffic because the website where he lived had hardly any traffic at all.
Occasionally a pedestrian or two would shamble dutifully past on their way to the shops, pausing only to assure him that they ‘liked’ him (possibly only out of pity) and once I think some cyclists went by, but they were travelling very fast and hardly glanced at Hell is a Book Club as they couldn’t fit any books in their lycra shorts and they weren’t interested in tidying up in a Marie Kondo fashion as lycra requires no folding and so their drawers were in perfect order.
In fact they were members of the Affiliate Marketing Cycling Club only taking a detour past AA’s field because the (sign)post was tagged ‘Make Money Online’ but actually on their way to disappear down their own sales funnel.
AA didn’t know what a sales funnel was and he didn’t particularly care because he was very happy in his quiet pasture. Occasionally he turned his hoof to insert a Site Stripe and sometimes he stopped mid way chewing on a piece of hay and wondered if his CTR would be higher if his followers weren’t mainly from the US or Bolivia or somewhere and had no interest in clicking on his products which linked to the UK marketplace.
But if truth were told he wasn’t very interested in products or clicks although he supposed that if he had a few sales he could afford to buy some oats instead of plain old hay.
One day he had a warning that his very existence was in jeopardy. He received a strongly worded email but in the way of the young and, with a certain insouciance, he ignored this warning. He thought he was untouchable.
So it was a shock to him and to all who knew him when suddenly the Power behind the Affiliate Programme suddenly and somewhat brutally put him out of (what they considered to be) his misery. One day he was in the field, minding his own business, inoffensively sniffing a dandelion, then the next he was gone.
Sadly very few people remember him or even think of him when they pass by his field/website. A few reminders exist of his ambition to run in the Derby… a few Amazon links which I REALLY REALLY hope no-one will click on now.
Goodbye, faithful AA – may you run free in the Elysian fields with the other failed Amazon Affiliate participants.
Time is a Great Healer
I now have two new babies/foals or possibly I think they are cute little puppies – one’s full name is Bluehost Moneyspinner but I like to call him Blue for short …
…. and the other is called Proofreader’s Grammarly Gold (and yes, you guessed it, I call him Gram and I only ever call him Plagiarism when he’s been very very bad).
Aren’t they just the cutest things? Some puppies like it if you tickle their tummies but my two boys just really like it if you click on them! Whatever, they are much less trouble than the AA.
You don’t have to be clinically insane to read my blog, but I would seriously consider taking this path if you can, because it would definitely add to the reading experience.
The Affiliate Career is dead,
long live the Affiliate Career.